Today started off like shit. I mean shit. I've never been this depressed on a school day. I felt like shit. Yesterday night I couldn't sleep till 3 ish thinking about stuff. Thinking about how what's been going on around me, feelings/families/friends/relationships and what nots. I don't know how well I'm gonna cope with this because this feeling has been with me for a while now. Today I guess I kinda broke down a bit. When I was meeting Christina this morning tears just started pouring out. I tried my hardest to calm myself down but didn't work. It's the first time in high school years that I've been like this. Hardly anyone has seen me like this but everyone has their bad times right? School was a blur today, I acted normal in a weird way I guess. My smiles today were so forced. I tried my hardest to be like the normal me but it was so hard. Christina helped me heaps today, she was trying her best to cheer me up but I know I was just been a little stubborn brat today. I couldn't laugh at anything, I couldn't start any convos, I was just a dead me. Last period kinda helped I guess. Played hockey and I just sung my heart out and sweated like crazy. My holiday aim is to go to the gym everyday if possible. Exercising actually gets my mind off things. I thought I was fine after but when I got on the bus the stupid feeling just filled my brain again till now. Fuck my life.

This part is just for my dearest Christina. Thank you so much for today. You're one of the few that's seen me at my worst and hasn't walked away. Without your words today I think I would have completely broke down. I sound so cheesed up but yeah thank you again for everything you've done :)

That is all <3